dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize