Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
