I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
