Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
