she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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