You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
