i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
