i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
