I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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