Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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