I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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