I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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