this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
