How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
