Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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