I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
