Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
high people should be assigned attendants
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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