the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
