Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize