I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
