Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
