Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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