I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
