I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
