I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
