absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
