I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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