Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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