Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
