remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
