I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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