somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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