I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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