Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
