after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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