There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
