Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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