Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
