I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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