I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
