You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
