I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
