I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
