moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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