my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
