Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
