I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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