Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
