She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize