Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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