you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
