dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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