Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
