I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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