New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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