Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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