Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
