this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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