so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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