if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
