Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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