At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
