he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
