I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
