I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
