Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
