i just google imaged poop.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
