he puts the penis in happiness.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize