I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
