his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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