what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize